It is a twenty-fifth birthday celebration; one would imagine that after twenty-five years festivities would begin to halt and people would begin to ponder over their existence. But perhaps some feel more comfortable pondering over their existence dressed as cows, mousses (is there an alternate plural for mousse?), giant pieces of fruit and dead celebrities. The concept is beyond my comprehension.

I am dressed in the most minimalist costume I could fathom without looking as if I had taken no effort. I have on my head a bowler hat- black. I found a tuxedo with tails at a rental place and am carrying a cane. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you- Charlie Chaplin.

I saunter into the room and twirl my cane when I see the birthday girl looking my way. Alice runs up to me and hugs me. I plant a kiss on her cheek.

'Derek, you look fabulous. I never knew you liked Chaplin. See how eye opening these parties can be!', Alice certainly is highly excitable today.

'Yes', I reply with my usual tinge of sarcasm,' I never knew you had a penchant for rabbits and dark burrows, my dear girl.'

Alice laughs. I had met the birthday girl some five years ago when both of us worked on a play together. Which play it may have been eludes me now. But Lucy (for it is not really Alice) and I had had a brief and unpassionate relationship which came to an end when both of us discovered we harboured a deep desire for Gary- the leading man.

'You here alone tonight Charlie? No hot date, what's the world coming to?', Lucy took the cane from me, twirled it and playfully jabbed it into my thigh. The display, however, was neither endearing nor playful and I grabbed the cane back from her.

'And where, pray tell, is your big, handsome rabbit?', I asked her teasingly. Lucy threw back her head, laughed, and grabbed my arm. She plonked me in the midst of some of the human fruit that had gathered in the centre of the room and was off to greet other guests.

'So what made you dress up as a banana', I asked a tall guy wearing a brown hat and a full body yellow stocking.

He looked at me for a second and reached out his hand. 'Derek, haven't seen you for ages! What have you been up to?'

I talked to the banana for a while, we had gone to university together and there were people to talk about, pasts to catch up on and comments to exchange. After about five minutes, however, we were talked out and stood looking out onto the floor of people before us. As at any fancy dress do, we resigned ourselves to a discussion of the costumes of the people around us. He excused himself after a few minutes and I walked off to speak to King Kong, over by the drinks.

'Yo, King', I said venturing over to the ape and stroking his arm. 'Hey, Derek, how's it going?'

Kathy, the being stuck within the furry suit, was a slight and pretty girl with a great sense of humour. Her blond hair and athletic build were masked by the suit tonight and she was swallowing vast amounts of a pink coloured drink and eating cheese and crackers.

'Have you got a smoke, Derek?', she asked.

I reached into my pocket and brought out a new packet of cigarettes. I undid the foil wrapping and took out a cigarette. I put the cigarette into Kathy's mouth and prayed to God that the suit would not catch fire.

'Thanks Derek, you're a life saver as usual..', she took a long drag on the cigarette and then was faced with the hurdle of having to hold the lit object. She opted to take off one of her paws and held the cigarette in one hand and the paw in the other.

'Have you heard about Sue?', Kathy was also the gossip of our immediate group and would disseminate news at a rate that even the best television anchor person would have been envious of.

'No...what?', I was not one for gossip but usually found it better to play along with any news dissemination. Most often I would delete the information as promptly as it was delivered and would, months later, be in total shock when faced with the news of marriages breaking down or people losing their jobs. Yet, all these tid-bits of information seem so superfluous on their own. Only in an entirety do they become of some importance.

Kathy spoke for fifteen minutes about Sue's house mate who had decided that he was in love with Sue and had barricaded himself in the kitchen a few days ago in the hope that starvation would drive her into his arms.

'But she just went out to eat', said Kathy clarifying the situation.

'How do you think he stayed in there for that long. Doesn't he have a job he has to go to?', I asked, trying to remember if I had ever met this guy.

'Sue rang her shrink and told her the story. It seems that the guy had just lost his job and the shrink thinks that that may be the reason he is attempting to get it on with Sue', Kathy was talking a mile a minute and I began to search the table behind her for a sign of the pink drink she'd had. I found a glass, poured myself some of the concoction and continued to nod at the right parts of the story as Kathy continued to tell it. But by this point my eyes were scouring the room for prospects. Five months and no victims. A man can get extremely hungry.

A cute looking girl was standing at the other side of the room. She had blonde hair and was wearing a tutu. She had sprinkled what looked like silver glitter all over her body- from head to foot. I leaned up against the wall and looked at her whilst Kathy spoke.

'Are you listening to anything I'm saying Derek?' Kathy poked me in the ribs, and asked after a while.

'Huh?' I replied looking at her.

'Man, Derek, sometimes I think that you live in your own world. You have the social mastery of a dead cat!'

I looked at Kathy and grinned. 'Always with the compliments Kath, my bright spark. Careful, I might get conceited from all these lovely remarks!'

Kathy laughed and I had positioned myself back against the wall in prime viewing position of the twinkling marvel. Kathy turned to see where my glance was holding, 'Ah, now I see....You have cast your eyes on the lovely Bianca!' she proclaimed.

It really was useful having friends who knew the ins and outs of the social scene. Kathy knew that this bit of information would not go unnoticed.

'So, do you know the girl with the sparkle in her- I'd say eye, but it seems that all over sparkle is more appropriate', I was curious.

'Certainly do, my man. But Bianca is off bounds for your little experiments', Kathy sniggered.

'I don't know. She looks like the type that would enjoy some of what I am famous for', I was being more coy than I had meant to be, but information was not coming too easily on the important topics this evening.

But Kathy chose that moment to mingle. She squeezed my arm, gave me a kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the fancy dress crowd.

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